


Now Christmas

by CheezPleez



Series: avengers holidays [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bruce Is a Good Bro, Christmas Fluff, Christmas with the Avengers, Domestic Avengers, References to Depression, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21989593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheezPleez/pseuds/CheezPleez
Summary: His first Christmas out of the ice and its all so different. Steve is learning to cope with the holiday season and finding support in the most unlikely of places.Sequel to First, Thanksgiving
Series: avengers holidays [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582921
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [First, thanksgiving](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21989458) by [CheezPleez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheezPleez/pseuds/CheezPleez). 



Thanksgiving left Steve feeling like he had a chance at a stable life in the here and the now. His team was quickly becoming his family. He had even moved into the tower at least until his work with S.H.I.E.L.D moved him elsewhere but he had time before that arrangement was settled. It was clear looking around that a lot of things had changed with Christmas but he was willing to bet it wasn't as bad as he thought. He found himself increasingly disappointed with the range of holiday cards and immediately opted for making his own. Tony had people decorate the lobby of the tower and a few of the office areas but he left the common area bare. Steve was thrilled when Thor arrived with a Clint in tow dragging a large tree inside. “We decorating a tree?” Clint nodded. “Yup. but we need ornaments first.” Nat rolled her eyes. “Why don’t you just tell Stark to buy some?” She knew it wouldn’t be that simple. Clint placed a hand on his hip. “You damn well know store bought is lame besides it’s Cap’s first Christmas with us and Thor’s too so let’s do this thing right.” She rolled her eyes again but there was a smile on her face a true honest one not a gimmick.

Clint walked over to the closet and pulled out some art supplies. Steve couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose at the “quality” art supplies. Natasha smirked. “Uh-Oh, Rogers doesn't like your crayolas Clint.” Steve looked at the items. “No I HAD Crayola’s these are not Crayolas. Hold on let me get some stuff.” He left and came back a few minutes with a box of things. Some of it was art supplies and some of it was news papers and string. One of the Christmas cards had stuck to the box when he had sat it down and Thor plucked it off the paint still damp. “Captain is this your work?” He looked up to Thor holding the card and smiled. “Yea, I was playing around with some stuff earlier.” Clint grabbed it. “Seriously? You did this?” Natasha sat back in the chair. “Did no one read this mans file? It’s mentioned several times over.” Clint pulled out another box this one was much nicer and was labeled crayola. His head shot up from digging in the box. “Oh my god, they still smell the same.” Nat and Thor looked at him confused but Clint seemed to understand. He looked at them. “No matter what other crayons existed crayola had this ...smell that no one could seem to match. I can’t believe they still smell the same.” He passed the box to Thor. “It smells like wax to me but then again I am sure there are smells that I hold dear that would mean nothing to you.” Nat cautiously sniffed the box. “Can’t say it means anything to me.” Steve shrugged. “Well let’s get started. If it’s one thing I do know its how to make Christmas ornaments.

He spent the next few hours with them carefully showing them how to make paper angels and other things from newspaper. They decorated as they finished because the tree provided the perfect drying spot for them as they clipped and hung them on the various branches. They stood back and admired their handy work. “So next has to be cookies” Clint said as he eagerly rummaged through the pantry. “Cookies and movies.” He placed some bags on the counter. Steve picked them up. “What is this?” Nat took one of the bags. “Its cookie mix. Add the eggs and oil pop it in the freezer a bit boom done.” He snatched the packages away. “No. We are doing this the right way.” He put the packages back in the pantry and began digging around and pulling things out. He divided everyone up and they all were in charge of making some kind of cookie. Once they were done and drying Clint raced over to the tv. 

“What’s first on the list?” They all looked at him. “That’s right two thirds of you don;t really know and Nat is the closest thing to the Grinch. Well good thing I know what’s good. Jarvis does Stark have White Christmas?” Natasha groaned. “Yes. If you like I can compile a playlist of holiday classics for the benefit of Captain Rogers and Thor.” He gave a thumbs up. “Sure thing Jarvis roll tape.” They got comfortable on the couch and Steve Beat Thor to the chair leaving him to sit with Clint and Natasha. Once the movie started Clint saw Steve wince at the opening scene. Nat glared at him but Steve settled into the chair his sketchbook out as he half watched the movie. By the time it was finished Steve was grinning like the biggest dope on the planet. “That was pretty good. Man Bucky would have-” He stopped and stood up. He didn’t leave only moved to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Thor walked over and laid a heavy hand on his shoulder. “A lost comrade? A brother?” Steve froze a moment but his expression softened. “Yea. A brother. This is…… this is only the second Christmas in my life he hasn’t been here.” In typical Thor fashion he wrapped Steve in a hug. “We will do our best to celebrate his life and fill the space in your heart if even for a little while with our company.Come let us rejoin the others. I believe Clint has the next film waiting for us to continue.” 

They got back to the common area to find Nat and Clint waiting, the next movie paused on the screen and Tony was now sitting with them on the couch. He was flipping through Steve's Sketchbook. Before he could pluck the book back Tony got to a page and stopped. “Aunt Peg” He quietly breathed out. Steve grabbed the book and sat down without a word. Tony looked over at him. “I couldn't help myself.” He rolled his eyes. “Of course you couldn’t neither could Howard.” He could see his body tense a little bit before he clapped his hands on his knees. “Well what are we watching here?” Before Clint could reply Jarvis cut in “We are about to view It’s A wonderful life Sir.” He nodded “Ok cool cool. Good. Lets hit it then.” Only Thor had noticed that Steve left halfway through the film and he was not about to mention it. He could see the pain and loss etched into his very being. He would speak with him later without Stark's witless commentary or insensitive remarks that clearly guarded an even more fagile heart. They continued through a few more movies before they realized Steve was gone.

“Hey, where’s Cap?” Clint and Natasha looked over to the empty chair. “I didn’t even hear him leave. Guess he got bored with the movies. He liked White Christmas though so I’ll take that as a win.” Tony got up and observed the cookies on the rack he picked one up. “Is this...gingerbread?” They nodded as he took a bite. “These are amazing where did you get them.” Clint laughed. “Cap made them.” He raised an eyebrow. “You kidding?” He gave a solemn nod. “Not in the slightest. He told us what to do but ultimately those cookies up there are his recipe.” Tony proceeded to take the entire plate of gingerbread with him. “Cool. Well I have work to do. This is how you pay rent in my house” He said gesturing to the plate of cookies. 

Thor found Steve sitting near a window looking out over the city his sketchbook still in hand. The picture was of a group of men and one woman. They looked happy despite the tired expressions they wore. “May I join you Captain?” he moved over so there was room on the ledge. “Sure why not.” He seemed a little more at ease around Thor. “more of your comrades?” He smiled as he looked down at the page. “My family, my...what is it you say.. Shield brothers.” Thor looked over the drawing with soft eyes. “And the lady you are all fawning over?” He chuckled. “That’s our Peg. Tough as nails but gentle and sweet. She was practically one of the guys. We were all in love with her.” Thor nodded. “She reminds me of the Valkyrie of Asgard. Fierce warriors but also caring.” He was quiet a moment. “Yup that's Peg.” 

Thor scanned over the picture once more. “This, this man he is the one you spoke of earlier?” He was pointing towards Bucky. “He smiled trying to hold back the tears and speak past the lump in his throat. His voice faltered a little as he did so. “Buck, yea. We grew up together and went to war together and then I lost him. When I went down in the water I thought to myself at least I won't have to figure out life without him. Now I’m still here 70 years in the future and he’s still gone.” Thor wrapped an arm around him. “Physically he may be gone but he is more than here. It would be an insult to his memory to throw your own life away carelessly no matter how noble the act may be. Live each moment in their memories. Honor what breath you have for their sake if nothing else.” They sat in silence for a while watching over the bright lights of the city. He got up from the ledge. “Thank you Thor. I will keep that in mind. I was going to get some dinner if you would like to join me.” Thor quickly rose from his seat and grinned. “I would be most honored to accompany you. I have found a few modest places that you may enjoy if you will humor me.” He smiled back “I think I can humor you.”


	2. Chapter 2

Pepper came quietly into the workshop. She saw boxes all over and could hear Tony rummaging around swearing under his breath. "Sir ms potts is here." He jumped up. "What are you doing prowling around my workshop?" She placed a bag of chinese food down on the table. "It was mentioned that you had been down here a while so i came to check in. What's with the boxes?" He was still digging through them as she spoke to him. 

"Lookin through the old man's stuff. He had some of Rogers personal effects god only knows why. Figured it might be a good xmas gift. Ah ha! Found it." He pulled out a canvas bag and a leather jacket. Inside the jacket pockets was everything Steve left inside. The same was said for the bag. "Why did your dad have Steves stuff?" Tony shrugged. "Possibly because even then Cap memorabilia was highly sought after. He probably had him watch his stuff so that it was there when he got back. If the stories are true he packed up and took everything he owned with him to camp Leigh." He pulled out a box and placed the items inside and began wrapping it in red white and blue wrapping paper. Pepper smiled. She knew he would never admit that Captain America was his hero growing up but it showed in the little things he did for Steve over the last few months. 

Christmas Eve was planned to be a quiet night in for whoever was at the tower. Thor had gone to new mexico to be with Jane. Clint and Natasha were as always away leaving Steve and Bruce just like thanksgiving. Maybe next year everyone could be together but for now it was what it was. Steve had been visibly depressed or maybe somber was a word for it. He had accepted Tony's dinner invitation because as he said "not like I have anywhere else to be" he hoped they could improve things for him a little. Pepper had been helpful enough find some information regarding depression and survivors guilt. 

Bruce felt it might be a wise idea to look in on Steve before dinner incase he really wasn't up for the interaction. When Steve answered the door Bruce could tell he caught him at a bad time. It was well after noon and he was still in his pajamas. His eyes looked a bit puffy. "Dr. Banner How can I help you?" He invited him in. He looked him up and down. "It seems like I can help you more. I'm sure there's a lot to break down emotionally this time of year.”

Without warning Steve pulled him into a hug and crumbled. He could feel even the hulk having concern as he edged him over to the couch. He pulled a handkerchief from his shirt and offered it to him. Steve took it and wiped his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you. I should have kept it together. It's just this is my first christmas without them. It's just one minute we were all together and the next im..im….." he began to sob again. Bruce was afraid of this. No one could see how badly Cap was drowning. He may give the impression that he is well adjusted but in truth he's not well at all. He could just shake who ever at S.H.I.E.L.D decided he was fit for combat of any kind.

"Hey it's fine. That's why I came to see you. We had the feeling you were a bit overwhelmed. You have every right to feel this way." Steve was trying to collect himself. "I've been a mess. The serum amplifies so much and that includes emotions. Good becomes great, bad becomes worse and apparently depressed becomes absolutely miserable. I should just send Tony my regrets and go back to bed until after New Years." He placed his hands on his shoulders. "Steve no. Take a deep breath we can help you through this. Come to dinner and be with everyone. You can't be alone like this. If you don't feel any better you can excuse yourself." He nodded. “You’re right. I just ...I handled Thanksgiving so well but then as Christmas got closer I found myself pretty much dreading it. I wanted it to go away.” He stayed with him on the couch. “I get it somewhat. I’m not fond of the holidays. It’s a constant reminder of what I lost through the year. I’m trying to make this team my family but even that seems hollow in the end but I keep trying because it’s better than being alone.” 

He took a deep breath and wiped his face again. "Ok. You're right. I just don't want them to see me cry. I don't want them to think I can't handle things." Bruce stood up. "We all cry. They know holidays are difficult. This time of year brings so much joy but it also brings painful reminders for many of us. There's no shame in reaching out. You don't have to do this alone." He shook Bruce’s hand. “Thank you for not thinking less of me. I’m gonna get cleaned up. I might be late for dinner but I promise I will be there.”


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce passed along that Steve was running late but He didn’t tell Tony why. “I guess he got wrapped up in something but He asked me to pass it along.” Tony conceded and they waited for him to arrive. He was in actuality only 15 minutes late. Seeing as though Tony had been hours late to things before he hardly considered this late. “Capsicle! You’re here!” Tony began to quickly toss gifts to the two of them. Steve sat the box down. “How about we eat first and then take care of these Tony?” He rolled his eyes “Fine mom.” 

Dinner was nice. Something Tony had catered rather than a home cooked meal. Steve hadn't even realized he had as much to drink until Tony drew attention to it. "So it's true you can't get drunk?" He looked over "Not unless its 100 proof and even then I have to drink a lot why?" He pointed to the bar. "You alone have polished off 6 bottles of wine old man. " he hadn't even realized. Pepper shot him a look. "Tony its ok that's why I made sure there was plenty." 

Steve smiled. Pepper was truly Tony's better half. With that said he jumped up clapping his hands together. "Time for presents!" He was once again shoving the gaudy red white and blue box at him. "Fine Tony I'll open it." He carefully unwrapped the box. "You can tear the paper Steve I got plenty more." Pepper elbowed him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Take your time Steve." 

Once the box was open he pulled the bag out first. "Tony, where did you find this?" He began to rummage through the bag pulling out two books a pencil case and a few other small effects. Tucked into the first book he pulled out a few photographs. "I thought these would have been thrown away." Tony took a seat next to him. "Dad had them in a box. I think part of him really hoped they would find you and he could return it." He grabbed for the second book to leaf through but Steve stopped him. "That ones a bit….personal." 

"Well look at that the Captain has secrets." He shook his head. "No Captain America is an open book but Steve Rogers is not." Pepper was looking through the photos he had pulled out. "Is this your parents?" He nodded. "Their wedding picture. The one after that is Ma and I with Bucky and his family." He passed the other book over to Tony. "You can look at this one." He took it and sat it down next him. "You aren't done there's something else in the box." He reached in and pulled the jacket out. 

He was quiet as he carefully reached in the pockets and pulled out a pair of dog tags. "Well look at that your tags." He was now shaking as he held them in his hand. He could feel the tears burning his face. "Tony I think we need to give him a minute." Bruce led him away leaving Pepper to look after him. " We held onto each others in case something happened we would be the ones to return them home. I promised her I would keep him safe. She made me promise and I failed." The tags had fallen from his grip. Peppers heart broke when she read the name on the tags. Barnes, James Buchanan. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. "There's only so much you can do in a war. I'm sure she would have known that." She continued to hold him. She looked over to Bruce and Tony.

Tony now looked embarrassed while Bruce made his way to the kitchen and began to boil water to make tea. He waved Tony over giving him a task to ease the awkwardness of it all. "I wish I had known about your gift. I stopped in on him earlier and he was a mess. I don't know who at S.H.I.E.L.D. gave him a clean psych eval but he is in desperate need of counselling." Tony felt a bit broken watching Cap fall apart like that. He came over with the tea Bruce fixed. Before he could hand it to him Steve had wrapped himself around his waist.

"Tony. Thank you." He pried himself away enough to sit down and give him the tea. "I'm glad I could get them back to you. What else is in the jacket?" He sniffed a bit and began to rummage through more pockets. He found letters from Bucky's family a few dollars and a pack of cigarettes. He reached into the other pocket and pulled out a pair of black lace panties. He was now beet red. "Well I bet there's a fun story attached to those." Steve looked like he wanted to die. "Come on. Spill it. You can't pull out a pair of panties and act like it wasn't there."

He looked down at his feet. "I'm not really proud that I have them. They came from one of the girls in the USO show. It was before I realized there was even a shot with Peg. Even after I held onto them. She was good to me. All the girls were really. I learned a lot from them." Bruce was seated back with them now. "Is it true you guys were your own stage crew?" He smiled. "Yea I learned how to help the girls with their hair and make up because we couldn't afford to hire anyone at the shows start. Even when we could, we had it down so well we just put the extra money towards the war bonds."

"Every dollar is a bullet in your best guys gun." Tony hummed. He looked over at him. "Don't you dare." Tony had a devilish grin. "I'm sorry what shouldn't I dare? Hey Jarvis, play that film we found." Steve looked like he was going to kill him. "Jarvis don't do it."   
"Im sorry Captain you are unable to override mister Stark's directive." He groaned into a couch cushion as the others laughed at the spectacle on screen. "Why did someone tape that train wreck." Tony shrugged "Not sure but i have been sitting on this for weeks and couldn't keep it a secret any longer."

They continued their small gift exchange and things began to wind down for the night. They had agreed to open the gifts left by the other Avengers in the morning. Steve grabbed his coat and headed for the cemetery. He liked going when no one would bother him. It was hard for him to find privacy and he learned quickly that some reporters had no shame in where they grabbed their shot. 

He brushed the snow off his parents headstone. He left the one with his name covered. He wanted to have it removed but upon learning that Bucky's family had paid for its placement he couldn't bring himself to do it. He sat quietly in the snow listening to the Christmas mass at the church. He went there as a boy. He stopped going when his mom passed. Religion was her comfort not his. He picked himself up and moved down to the plot for the Barnes family. There were 4 occupants in the family plot. Bucky's parents with Bucky's stone on the left and Rebecca's on the right. His heart ached for them. He wondered about the others bit could never bring himself to make a connection with them. It was too painful. His walk home was cold and solemn but it gave him time to clear his head. He was surprised when he returned and saw Thor on the balcony as if he was waiting for him


	4. Chapter 4

“Captain! Merry Christmas!” He smiled meeting him outside. “You missed Tony and Bruce they went to bed a while ago.” Thor stepped inside. “I came to see you. It was pointed out to me that this festive season brings emotional distress to some as it does miss Darcy. While Jane took care of her I found myself wondering if you were alright so here I am.” He sat down on the couch with Thor. “It’s been rough if that’s what you mean. Old memories stirring up painful emotions. There is a lot I still haven’t really dealt with. I had no time to mourn people before I went in the ice and here I am 70 years later trying to cope. I’ve thought about our last talk and I’m trying to honor their memories but this past week I could barely get myself out of bed.”

Thor nodded listening to his every word. “My brother had times like that especially in our adolescent years. Loki struggled a lot. He was a skilled magician but a piss poor warrior by asgardian standards. Of course, I now know it is because he is not truly of asgard but he is still my brother. Mother always encouraged him to stop comparing us but father was always hard on him. I had thought for a time he was doing it so that he would be a strong king. Now part of me thinks my father was just being an ass. I never shamed him when he could barely find the strength to leave his chambers. I was merely there when he needed me and I can be that for you as well, Captain.” He cupped his hand on his shoulder. “Thanks Thor. I think I have a few people willing to be there for me but I am happy you are one of them.” 

Thor reached into his pocket and produced a bottle. “I have a gift for you. This is a Meade from Asgard. Be careful as it is quite potent. It does not take much to get me drunk.” He took the bottle. “Thanks. I don;t think I have ever had Meade before.” Thor laughed. “Well then you must try it.” Thor got up and retrieve two glasses from the bar and poured some out for them. He was surprised it barely tasted like alcohol. “This is pretty good Thor. Better than some of the garbage the Howlies used to turn up with and even better than the bootleg crap Bucky used to drink although that stuff might be able to get me drunk nowadays.” Thor looked at him quizzically. “Bootleg? Why would there be a need to produce alcohol in such a manner.” Steve laughed from 1920-1933 someone got it in their head that every bad thing in America could be stopped if booze was no longer made or legal to consume. All it really did was help criminals thrive because people had no problem buying the stuff from a mafia. Even after it was legalized again many people still made their own.” Thor shook his head and chuckled. “Your people do some strange things.” he laughed “yep we do all part of being human, I guess.” 

He and Thor drank and talked for a while until the sun was beginning to peak over the horizon. “I should return to Jane. Have a wonderful Holiday Captain.” He waved and headed back to his home away from home. Steve realized everyone would be up soon so he went and showered. He was surprised to find a package by his door as he entered the room. He read the note attached “ My family always gave new pajamas for Christmas that we wore on xmas morning. I hope you like these.” While it wasn't signed he knew the handwriting was Peppers. He out the pajamas on. They were green flannel. He was surprised someone actually got him a color that wasn’t red or blue. It was a common misconception that either color was his favorite. When he arrived in the living room Bruce was already up. They waited for a while in silence Steve was nodding off after having not gone to bed. Pepper and Tony came out to find Bruce waiting patiently while Steve was sound asleep in the chair with a blanket gently placed over him. 

Pepper walked over and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Merry Christmas Steve.” he quickly Sat up in the chair. “It’s ok it’s just me. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” He looked around to see Tony was busying himself in the kitchen. “Guess I dozed off waiting for you guys.” She smiled when she saw he was wearing the pajamas she left for him. He saw that they were all wearing some variation of them as they began to fix breakfast. “So where did you end up last night Cap? Pep went by your room and Jarvis said you were MIA.” He began passing plates out to everyone. “I went to the cemetery to see my Ma and Da.” He quickly blushed. “Damn lucky charms never heard the accent before.” He looked down into his plate. “It slips out sometimes. If I didn't learn to hold it back no one would understand me.” Pepper sat next to him. “Really?” He nodded. “I didn’t know English until I was three and Bucky taught me. Ma spoke her language at home because she wasn’t allowed to speak it anywhere else. I was the only one at home so she spoke it to me. I could understand English fine but to hear me talk sounded like I had a mouth full of marbles or something.”Pepper patted his hand. “Well I think it’s cute.” Steve blushed even more. “Trust me it’s not cute when you normally hear it. The Howlies learned that real quick. I sound like a whole different person when I’m really cheesed off.” 

They talked over breakfast and Steve gave them all a stocking to open. It wasn’t much but he hoped they appreciated them. Bruce seemed especially happy with the vanilla chai candle. Pepper had helped him find some small things for Bruce and Tony. They moved to the tree and opened the gifts left by the others. Clint and Natasha had gotten him another weighted blanket this one was heated. He appreciated it after the Ice incident just before thanksgiving.** While everyone else opened their gifts from Thor tony was quick to see that Steve hadn't opened one from him. “Did point break forget about you?” He smiled “No he actually showed up last night to give me my gift.” Tony made a face he couldn’t exactly tell what it was. “What was so special he couldn’t leave it for you?” He got up and retrieved the bottle from his room. “He brought me Meade from asgard. Something that could if I wanted it to get me pretty drunk.” Bruce sniffed the bottle. “That’s what I smelled on you this morning. Were you drinking with Thor last night?” He sat back down with them. “Yes I was. I wasn't using it to cope mind you but it was nice to have a drink that took the edge off a little.” Bruce smiled and passed the bottle back. “Well I’m glad you could unwind.” 

Tony spent the rest of the day playing with the remote control helicopter Steve got him. It was mostly a joke but he and Pepper were taking bets on how long it would take for him to “fix” something about it. Steve won. He had the helicopter disassembled fifteen minutes after he had unwrapped it. They spent the better part of the day in pajamas until Bruce began to cook the dinner he didn't quite get to host for Thanksgiving. He looked at the scene around him and settled in the chair with his sketchbook. He could get used to this life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** the ice incident is explained in my other fic Cold


End file.
